By Allan Hardman
About a little girl and a little boy and the birth of the Judge

Most of the wounding and the resulting false beliefs about ourselves and others that we carry into our adult lives occurs at a very young age. This "Fairy Tale" describes the discoveries my apprentices and I have made, as we have journeyed into our pasts to discover the source of the wounds carried by the masculine and feminine archetypes within, and of the often merciless self judgments that result.

Once upon a time, in a time not so long ago and in a place not so far away, there was born a little child. This little child was very special, born into complete innocence and purity. This child was a child of God, born as Love-- being only Love, like a gentle heart turned inside out. Open. Vulnerable. Pure love.

The new parents and everybody liked this child well enough at first -- it was cute and not too much trouble. As time went by, however, this child began to express itself in the world, and conflicts began to develop. Often the Parents got angry at the child for crying, or told it not to use that angry tone of voice with them. They laughed at its fear, and told it not to make so much noise, and so on. The child began to be afraid of the Parents, and the World-- and most of all, the precious child of Love began to be afraid of its own feelings and sense of reality.

Now totally unbeknownst to the child of Love and to the World, deep inside this little child there were a actually two little children-- a little girl part and a little boy part. The little girl part felt the feelings, needs, and sensitivities inside this special child. The little girl is the part that felt so hurt when she was shamed or yelled at or made wrong for being herself.

Right next to that little girl part was the little boy part. He hated to see that girl part hurt and sad all of the time, and he was angry at the Parents. So he spoke up, and said to them: "NO, you are mean, don't talk to us that way! Love us!"

Well, you can imagine what they said and did to that little boy part. That's right, they got really mad at him. And they made him be quiet -- and they knew perfectly well how to make him be quiet. They told him that nobody would love them unless both the little girl and the little boy acted the way the Parents told them to, because they knew the way the World expected them to act.

And so, the little boy part turned to the little girl part inside, and said to her: "You have to be quiet! Don't cry and don't be hurt and don't show your fear and don't tell the truth -- because you and your feelings are bad and the Parents know it and if you don't do all that stuff maybe they will love us and not reject us and not hurt our feelings so much. I'm not big enough or strong enough to protect us from them, so we have to be quiet and do it their way."

As you might expect, the little girl part became silent, and she and the little boy part of our child of Love learned to look outside of themselves to see what was expected of them, what was allowed of them, and who they should be in order to be loved and accepted. They were very afraid of being rejected and not loved, because they were very little.

And so, the child of Love died, and the child of Fear was born. And the little boy part became the voice of the Parents and the World, inside, making the child of Love wrong for being who she was. AND THUS WAS BORN THE INNER JUDGE.

And to this day, even now that the special child is all grown up, inside the little boy Judge is still telling the little girl part to be quiet, to not express her feelings or her truth, and to do everything the way THEY say she should. And to make sure that she remembers, he reminds her constantly that she is not OK the way she is... she has to do it better, be more, be stronger and less emotional, and mostly be like Them, in order to have the love and acceptance she and he need to survive in the world.




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Allan Hardman is an author and expert on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County, CA, and from “The House of the Eagles,” his winter home in Chacala, Nayarít, Mexico. He guides Journeys of the Spirit to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations in Chacala. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, and co-author of two books with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew Weil, Prince Charles, and others. Visit Allan’s extensive website at www.joydancer.com, and TACO, his online spiritual membership community.