By Allan Hardman
I believe that we are born
of us have heard the rather believable story that
Eskimos of the far north have a very large number of words
for snow and ice. This makes sense to us, since anyone living
or working in a specialized environment would be likely
to create a language that helped them communicate about
Given that idea, have you noticed
how few words we have in the English language for "Love?"
My Thesaurus lists 13, including many love-lite words
like "fondness" and "warmth." Is it possible that we do
not have a large vocabulary of words for love because
we do not live in an environment (of love) where we need
a special language?
We use "love" for just about everything:
"I love your new hair color." "I love chocolate chip cookie
dough ice cream." "I love you." "I love to ski." "I love
it when you are nice to me." "Do you love me?" Some authors
have attempted to add more precise words to our daily
language, like "agape," "Eros," and "familial," but I
have never heard anyone speak them out loud.
So just what is this "love" thing?
What are we talking about, and can we refine our understanding
and language as a way to actually learn to love each other
and ourselves more authentically?
I believe that we are born
as Love. Imagine with me that there is a Creator
of some sort, and that Creator exists on the unmanifest
side of the veil of creation-- and we live on the manifest
side. Let us also imagine that this Creator is Life itself,
or the Essence of Unconditional Love. If that Creator
wanted those of us on this side of the veil to have the
experience of the pure love that exists on the unmanifest
side of the veil, what better channel to create than a
new born baby? You, born as one of those channels, came
here to this manifest reality with no stories, no judgments
or opinions, no politics, and no agenda about anything.
When your mother bent over your crib to lift you to her
bosom, I doubt that what was going through your mind was
"Jeez, mom, who did you hair? Bad, very bad!"
As that infant, you were the embodiment
of Life Without Expectations. And everyone wanted to pick
you up, look you in the eye, and hold your eye contact
for as long as possible. If you turned away, they tried
to bring your attention back with all sorts of strange
noises and facial contortions. They saw, unconsciously,
that you were that channel of love, and they wanted to
bask in your non-judgmental openness. They wanted to drink
at your Fountain of Love. (Now as adults, of course, eye
contact is strictly limited to brief glances, except for
extreme flirting moments).
So there you are, the channel
for Creator's delight, pouring your unconditional
acceptance into the world. And everybody is eating it
up like starving souls at a free banquet. And you don't
even know what you are doing, because you don't know anything
yet. You are just pure presence, existing, being Life
Unfortunately, this Paradise cannot
exist for very long. Like the story of Adam and Eve, the
time comes when you must eat from the fruit of the tree
of knowledge, and learn about good and evil, and right
and wrong. In the Toltec tradition of Miguel Ruiz, we
call this process "Domestication." It is the duty of the
parents, and then the society, to teach you the rules
of their game: The Dream of the Planet. It is hard to
teach you anything when you are basking in the glory of
Your Divine Oneness, so they insist you make a new agreement
with them. They require that you believe they are the
source of love, not you. You also agree that the Creator
who sent you is not the source. You learn that love is
a commodity, you need it to survive, and it is somewhat
scarce. Further, you agree to be good, and not bad, in
order to receive your share of this love commodity. You
learn to be afraid that love will be withdrawn from you,
as punishment for being bad. (Note that this is simply
the way of the world, I am not saying it is wrong).
This is the day that Adam and Eve
left the Garden, and went forth and suffered, knowing
their guilt and shame... and fearing God.
As the domestication continued,
you made more and more agreements with parents, clergy,
teachers, friends, Santa Claus and God, about what it
meant to be Good, and how to secure your share of the
commodity of love and acceptance. You learned to domesticate
yourself, to assure that you would always win the approval
of those who controlled the grades, the jobs, the romance,
the money, the applause, and, finally, the epitaphs.
If you are reading this, I assume
that something different is stirring and awakening in
you. Perhaps that something is your nature, your birthright
as that channel that is still alive in you (although a
little clogged up with old junky agreements and beliefs).
I believe your nature is to pour that pure love into this
manifest world. If I am right, then I encourage you to
remember this truth about yourself-- that you are still
that channel, and nothing has changed except your awareness
love that flows through that channel is pure acceptance.
With no judgments or opinions or resistance to Creation,
there is nothing left but the acceptance of what is. Have
you ever had the experience of someone accepting you totally
the way you are? Is that not the best feeling? Would you
not describe that experience as feeling purely and completely
loved? This love that is acceptance has no expectations
or conditions. It needs nothing in return, and requires
no response. You cannot bargain for this Love, and you also
can never run out of it. The channel is connected to the
Infinite Divine Source. That should be enough love for one
So what is Love?
I am suggesting to your here that love is your nature,
your birthright. I am reminding you that love coming out
of you as acceptance of what is offers you a connection
with Life and the Creator as the Divine Source that can
fill your heart with a joy and abundant happiness that
can never be taken away from you. This love is here, right
in this moment, underneath the fear and doubt from your
domestication. It is that infant in you, open and innocent.
It is you. It is the I AM, that which is eternally present
in all of Creation. Sure, go ahead and "love" your new
car or your new romantic interest. Love this web site.
And love Life. Love yourself; because you are Life, you
are Love. Open the channel. Celebrate it, celebrate you!
Dance with joy in Life.
There is only this.
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Allan Hardman is an author and expert
on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional
healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author
of The Four Agreements.
™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County,
CA, and from “The House of the Eagles,” his winter home
in Chacala, Nayarít, Mexico. He guides Journeys of the Spirit
to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations in Chacala.
He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book
co-author of two books with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew
Weil, Prince Charles, and others. Visit Allan’s extensive website
online spiritual membership community.